Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The pause between.

Many of you know that my Mother has been suffering from Alzheimer's Disease for several years.  At the beginning of the year her condition deteriorated enough to require 24 hour nursing care, and she was admitted to hospital, later transferred to a nearby nursing home.  over the last two or three months she has steadily slipped further away, and now she is almost at the end of her earthly journey. We have now returned to the mainland, summoned by the phone call we dreaded, to be with her in her last days.
Plans have been put on hold for now.  The trip to Wales for our nephew's wedding this coming weekend has been cancelled, as has the subsequent visit to the Centre for Alternative Technology.  New outfits and shoes will remain in the wardrobe, and crofting is a world away.
And so we wait in that pause between breaths, the calm space between the waves.  Relieved that her struggle of the last years are almost over for her, but sad that we will no longer have her presence.  We sit round her bed, chatting, playing her favourite music and reminiscing, hoping that somehow she can hear us.  We bring sweet smelling oils to soothe her,  James and Finlay play on the floor beside her bed and we wait and watch.  For so long we have rehearsed this, but now, as we approach the stage, it is different - it is real - it is not someone else - it is our Mother, Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, Wife, Sister, Mother-in law, friend - still here with us,  but waiting on that shore xx


  1. You are in my prayers honey. I have been through that same strange limbo myself, in April this year with my Grandmother and last year with my Dad. I hope you mother finds the piece of paradise she deserves.

  2. This makes me want to cry ... I will say no more other than I wish for you ........ I am for once lost for words. Yet everything moves forward, and each time I click onto your blog, there is that dear, sweet child's smiling face - and he is the future. Thinking of you all and sending love.

  3. Keeping you all in our thoughts and prayers.

    Uma x

  4. oh dear....my thoughts and heart are with you and your family...

    i wish your beloved mother a gentle passage...

  5. My thoughts are with you and your family. Vanessa xx

  6. You and your family and your beautiful mother are in our thoughts and prayers.
    Blessings Sue xxx

  7. In my thoughts too. (((Hugs)))

  8. Keeping you all in my thoughts. (((hugs)))

  9. Ah, my mom-in-law took her similar journey on August 30. Watch, and wait. I think she knows you are there. I like it that you play her favorite music. We didn't think to do that - she would have waltzed right into the great over yonder. Blessings on her, and you and your husband, and your little boy and grandson, and the rest of your family. How wonderful that your son and grandson are there with you.

  10. Huge hugs to you all Jacqui. Such a sad time but you have put it so beautifully. Keeping you all in my thoughts xxxxx

  11. Blessings on your mother. Thoughts and prayers to all of you. Holding you in my heart. Peace.

  12. Keeping you all in my thoughts, huge (((hugs))) to you all.

    It's wonderful that you are all surrounding her with the things she has loved during her life, what a beautiful lady you have all had the pleasure to spend your lives with.

    take care, love Dawn xxx

  13. (((HUGS))), thoughts and prayers with you at this time. It is many years since we were on this journey with my Nana (24 years) but it feels like yesterday

  14. You're in my thoughts and prayers J xx

  15. Your word are so beautiful and touching my friend and my thoughts will be with you and your family.

    I pray blessings and peace for you all. xxx

  16. (((hugs))) you are all in my thoughts.

    I wish you and your family strength and peace.


  17. Wishing you strength for the days ahead x

  18. Hi Jacqui,
    I want you to know that I'm holding all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
    When my father was passing away and we were sort of sitting on the shore you find yourself at now, our pastor said that it's in the gaps where we find ourselves united. It's where we are all together in spirit. sending kind thoughts your way,

  19. Dear Jacqui,
    I wonder if you will find this comment from this beautiful post of more than two years ago. I went looking for your posts about your mum today, ten days or so after my own mom finished her "earthly journey", as you say.

    I am so looking forward to the days when my mom, before the Alz., comes back to me more fully. It hasn't really happened yet, for more than a brief joyous space. I think you were fortunate to have your fresh, lively James about during that time. I know that I am longing for new life and my husband is hoping that a new puppy in the Spring might suffice, as I imagine shaggy cows and another goat and finding some human little ones to fill the empty places...

    Love to you,


    1. Lesley - I am sorry for your loss. I still have a space that feels empty sometimes. It gets easier to dust it off and become involved with life and living, as the time passes, but it is there. Xx


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